me= universal?

NOVEMBER 2005

hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahah
hahahahhahhhhaaaaaaaaaaaahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhhhahhhahahahhahahahhahahhaaaaaaaaaaaahahaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahah!
ha.
ha
ha
that was funny.
my feet are wet from the rain still-after3hrs!
what are you doing?
did you think i was talking to you?
who did you imagine i was talking to?
this blog thing is strange…i bet one can go abit schitzo when writting this…
you can even write your own replies!
have a complete imainary world!with famous and not so famous people.
a fairy tale life!
i could say i am writting from madagascar.and the computer will just think i was really there…
we are not odinary people….
maybe we should not take it slow.
maybe we’ll take it slow….
this is the honeymoon
past the infatuation stage.
no i am still on the dating stage with my blog.
abit before the total enfatuation phase far still from marriage or divorce for that matter.
maybe i should speed it up a litle.you spelt that wrong!haha-ha!
prepare to go to performance show accross the river.
good weekend.i hope i get alot of work done.

i am suspect number one.
i suspect that this is about me.
that this songs speaks of me
it speaks to me
washes me naked
strips me of all my masks
do i sing your song?
not for long.
exile.a suspect in exile.
ahahaha!
i love that m jackson song -
aaaaargh!!!
thriller!

1st verse
Its close to midnight and something evils lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
Youre paralyzed
Chorus
cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know its thriller, thriller night
Youre fighting for your life

inside a killer,

(are you the thriller?!)

thriller tonight

2nd verse
You hear the door slam and realize theres nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if youll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination
But all the while you hear the creature creepin up behind
Youre out of time

Chorus
cause this is thriller, thriller night
There aint no second chance against the thing with forty eyes
You know its thriller, thriller night
Youre fighting for your life inside of killer, thriller tonight

Bridge
Night creatures call
And the dead start to walk in their masquerade

Theres no escapin the jaws of the alien this time

(of the alien inside!)
(theyre open wide)
This is the end of your life

3rd verse
Theyre out to get you, theres demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All thru the night Ill save you from the terror on the screen,
Ill make you see
Chorus
That this is thriller, thriller night
cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight

“Dont let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in their life…”

a great title to remember.

just humm…
just humm…ummm…hmmm…
mmm.
just humm

i’m trying to reach you-
but i am afraid i may never reach you
i am praying to the emptiness.
is it that that ‘time’ will be gone…
when my time and your time meet-
when virtual time- …
it’s just virtual…
what is the equation for the space time equalibrium?which continium?
we are both hanging on to a memory.(we continue)(we become virtual,squeezed inbetween electric cables and memory sticks and hard drives and the world wide web_)
i miss you too much.
it also bores me to say that.
(although the feeling is rather tangible: i weep and i ache inside)
i am praying to emptiness.
maybe we are both not hungry.
our lives are changing rather fast.
there is too much time inbetween.
inbetween where you are standing(what you are doing)
autumn
and where i am standing(what i am doing)
spring…
the time zones are changing…
the time zone has changed.
my world is imaginary.
you are imaginary.
you never existed?
i only see you in virtual memory…
how is it possible to talk on the phone-from cross the world?
it still puzzles me!
that sound.that your sound travels to where i stand (a chilly spring day, a morning filled with many events-important and un.electric fence.feet aching from last night’s standing.ego bruised from the sound of your voicemail.the time between when i take the piece of paper with the world call card number,dialing that first-for some reason dailing it incorrectly, then your number…then your ringing phone…it is spring and autumn…)
this event when your words,your time, your space,your voice travels to me-
to me(here) when you are (there)
you tell me what you have been doing…i travel half the world
so i can see it.
time and space unfolding-
you speak from memory…
(i recently got a new external hard drive)
i struggle to remember who zanelia is
(and i feel blocked…i can only hear it!i can only hear it!)
(i was not there)(although my virtual self was there…my pubic hair tied into your hair)
(and the memory of me in your cells in your eyes,a beautiful gracefull scar)

(space and time)
the time zone has changed.
i am not a real person…
i am a fake.
trying to pretend to be a real person.
i pretend that you are a real person…
i fail at some performances…
i don’t know the rules of this play,
this plot-as it thickens…
how different it is existing virtually…
you can sign in and out.
Spacetimes are the arenas in which all physical events take place
lets move on,(no!)
our lives are so separate-(they don’t need to be!)
only virtual.
the timezone has changed.(only in death time zones really change!i am not dead!you are not dead. can you not hear it?
i love you!)it is not important that i love you.
because i do not exist.
i am only in virtual space.
a memory.another timezone.(you are more real, than any of this virtuosity inbetween us.i am more real here than with when talking for the sake of talking with good looking strangers))
is this an event?

space…time and light….
(the study at my parents’ house, 6pm, 6pm+computer screen )
(ams/plk…5pm/6pm…light?)

give me light
give me light from my lament.
collapse these spaces.push your tongue inbetween my lips.both.
is this our death…
extra extra…read all about it…
“…the relationship between space, time and light kills 2….”
extra extra…
a huge soccer ball is in my throat.
i yelp.panter.
cry.wail.i cry a messy river.
mpheyane looks at me with artificial light…

tripop
space junkie…
ergh…super nerd.
i should be reading.
rushed home to check if i can get a ticket into the zoo…
they say it’s all happening there…
(hee-hee)
only i know that….
sorry no tickets for you…
stay away from my window…stay away..
from my back door too..!

sometin has taken me over….
oh man…
how is it that some people know your name-
without you knowing who they are?!
it puzzles me!
nice to see girl and boy cousins!
really nice.
morongwa is tall now!
and hlolo has grown up too..
wearing a halo…

and more…some unknown…
wearing thorny halos…hallo!

my head is filled with stars…
my mom’s eyes were grey the other day.
i just saw that my cats’ eyes are a light green this evening
i dream of all the posibilities with you..moo.
yes, i can be quiet and read and finish my film this week.
no more beauty peagents.
haha, one of the contestants spoke about whitch craft…haha!ritual murders…
haha, only in limpopo hey?!
i will go to ssssleeep…
together again my baby…

i realise that i am not for working for others.
i am selfish

hello love.
goodbye sunshine,
hello summer,
goodbye love
hello sunshine…

i felt winter’s chill breath against my nipple…
hello summer, my seasons are confused
but the chill is real.
i told you i cried a cup!
i cried a river so waaaaaaah!
and i laughed the sky!
spoke to simms who just cracked me up!
i must remember to write the story about people breaking in to her neighbour’s house…!
anyways…2 separate worlds i tell you…
how do they meet…
oooh i miss salman rushdie…!
i can not wait to book shop again..
the library in polokwane is so wack!
even the amsterdam library was beter although they had a few english titles!
anyhow….
positivity.
and i spoke to zerf!
i hadn’t spoken to him in ages…he was that afro dude.
and i had contact with rod-
forgiveness they say…let go and let gog(ha!let god!next thing if your name is mary-you are preggies!?he!)
okay, let go…let it flow…
sttop cryin your heart out you!
i know it is the pearl…but here is a whole ocean!

hahaha!
yey.
i am officially a lunatic!
hahaha!
the luna always has me in its spell
haha
i have cried and danced like mad and
haha, i danced with absolute elation!
hmmm….hahahahahah
hahahahha
hjahahahahha
hahahahaha
hahahahahaha
hahahahahahaha
hahahahaahha
haha
hahahahahaha
hahahahaha
hahahahaha
ahahahahaa…aha aha aha aha]
mmmm.
and i cried hihihihiiiii
hihihiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
i had clarity
then i had fog
then fog then more fog
then some clarity
and haha, you know how lovely it is after the rain?
a brand new day, the soil smells amazing and all the colours are fresher!
hmmmm!
my back is killing me though…
i attribute it to the camera,laptop ext hard drive load from my return from amsterdam
hmmmm.
damn.i cried.i still can’t believe it.
and the way i laughed.
hmmm.
i am home alone.
it is nice to be alone
i miss it.
i haven’t been alone in ages.
i miss my studio
i managed to do some drawing
yey!
i love it. i know that i want to be an artist for my emotional survival.
i think if i don’t do it-make things…
i would be knotted
chocked.
the spooks are kept at bay!
my insanities!
heeeeeeeeeeeeee
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
boooooo!!!!
heeeekikiki heeekikiki!
oh yes,there are alot of east africans in polokwane-all of a sudden.
i wonder if at first people starred at them…
wether they were a marvel in the rural areas?
i took a cab today from town(i had my lap top with )
R35 rands…not bad i guess!
it could have been like 20 bucks you know-for the distance!
maybe…
anyways,cool taxi driver.he was making me laugh with his stories about maburu speaking sepedi!
hahaha!
have you heard about that mixed raced dude,
“happy”is his name, he grew up in a village with all black people raised by his grandmother!
haha,and he acussed his family of having kidnapped him from his white parents, and there were apparently dna tests taken, after he had placed an ad in the papers!
hahahahah!
hahahahhahaa!
hahahahhahaa!okay i am too lazy to tell the story properly-in a way that would explain why i laugh.or why it is such a humorous story,
or maybe it is the way inwhich my mom told me-
haha, because i had told her that i would like to do a docum about myself.
this fictional character…
blah blah blah!
let me google gogle this happy dude.

hahaha, so i googled:
“happy,kidnapped”
and all these interesting stories about kidnappings popped up!
and haha, i googled “happy ,kidnapped, south africa”
and more stories…eish the internet…

ke mpheyane!
etseya ditaba tsa mo, e di isha kua!
e tsea tsa kua…e di tlisa mo!ke mpheyane!

anyways his name is Happy Sindane
research time my virtual friends