me= universal?

flung up in the air
i jumped tummy up towards the ceiling
my back is tickled
she whimpers and moans as my hand glides slowly on her skin…
how could i be doing this?
is this really my hand,my touch that tickles her inside?
cést ci bon…….
hee-heee, zoo will feature me in her film-
haha,we will be forever together,immortal.
day dreaming all the time
sitting in the apartment,
edited video this morning
i am still in holland,
i was meant to have flown back on the 15th…
then on the 25….now i have postponed it again…
my departure…
i will also be able to attend my next show-yey!it opensin the morning tho.
i dunno what to wear, alot of my clothes are gone….
and tonite i will go to an album launch of one of zoo’s friends…
i am tres excited and nervous toooooooooooo….
haha,but i know i wont see any ex lovers of mine there so that is cool-
saturday wentout to party at sugar factory, they played bongo maffin and some other african house songs!
yey!it was really cool!
we were jamming with the somalian crew-they are super cool!
and funky, and we were all jamming like there would be no tommoro without us!-
haha-and there wont be!
the immortals!
forever
forever
i will love you forever
for ever.
ever and after
ever.
a proud producer of squirts and giggles
i cried between your kisses-
did you hear me?
religeous me…
polygamous we…
what do you think of poly amorous relationships…
blah blah-i can not write cleary on one thought today…haha-again!
havin a cocktail, will nap.
i am in a different planet.
she.

don’t worry, it is just growing pains.
growing strains
heart strings stretched out
you pull it
we had a light conversation,that turned heavy,
am i playing it back?
do not show any emotion baby
perform the lipstick festivities…
anyways,
it is rather interesting all these things that are going through me…
i feel like i am in a secret world-
i feel as though i am betraying the bubble by speaking about it….
how strange…
so i have decided to paste all other stuff in another diary…
my hand-written diary,
maybe i can utter things there that i can not shape into words inside my mouth…
and words that will not scare me when they appear on the screen
pittege eyes.pittege eyes.
a rather funny situation at times it was a day ago,hahaha,
so there i was on a table…accessories!hahaha!
we arrived at this invitee only dinner party,artist dinner post show openning,
it was rather akward,haha,but thank gawd i was with kath and bett,
we gathered a crowd after a while,
maybe it became the naughty table.
bas was cool ahaha, and there was another girl there whose name i can never remember!
she hates oprah winfrey!
and she is shocked that i dig her-hahaha
zoo has a friend visiting, they are speaking in dutch
so am i now lesbo?
the south east is cool.
filled with blacks
actually not really, it is the most multi cultural place in amsterdam i have found
so much variety…!
some dude stopped me in the middle of the street today,
he recognised my body as south african!hahaha
what can i say…me hips,me ass….
like mos def say:ass so fly you can see it from the front!
ha!imagine if your ass was infront!
damn,the front would be packed and busy!!!
busy!
buh-zeeeeee!
buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrr-zeeeeeeeeeeeey!!
beeeeeeeeeeee-zeeeee!yo!
what would happen in your back then?
ha eish,
…eish…
ishwapha!
ISHWAPHA!SHWAA-PAHH!
damn worse than makgoa!
pah!
yo!
ha!
ha!
hahahhahaha
ahahhahahah
ahahhaha
ahaahha
a-hahahahaha!
a-hahahahaha!
she has tons of cellulode
all along her side.
this.
this.this is what they see-arr-zuh!
it’s all written-
you must unpack or leave it packed..
that is so…
BUT DON’T YOU ALSO FIND IT NICE?
yamp,pffrrp.
SAT IN A CARBY THE STATE HOUSE…ALL WERE ALTOGETHER IN THE FARM…
JA TOG!
an under proportionate orgy.
at the borrow
FOR THE MORROW?
really workin.
THAT IS THE 2ND TIME IT OCCURRRRrrrrrrD
ya, moooi.pretty.she smiles.
more bisexual women…most don’t talk about it, alot of beautiful women…
the people are filled with love!it is like the plantations.
she talks about them i understand…who knows?
trebble.bass.swart.squads.squat.
a question about that was that it was foorgotten…
i restisted to put the “t”on ït”
a question on it would be that i…ï” was forgotten.
that is there described!

tried culling a potato
it froze all the electricity in me
virtual being-
your feelings are numbed
make me remember…make me forget

went to fuivhuisen on saturday
almere sunday…
karina’s in the evening…
saw grasshoppers in almere
they were in a glass box
like in a zoo made of glass.
zu got me a camel skin bracelet-it is so lovely!
i had a work meeting today-interesting i guess….
aaah, i am sleepless, i do not feel like editing…
must go shower, i ahve been so moody////still on my red spread aha.
baby is asleep.she is tired. i am tired too-but i cannot seem to seduce sleep to come my way…

does your breath stink?
i am jelous of that sleep that takes a hold of you
that poisons all of your body with sleepiness
and injects into your vains an irresistable suckle
sinking into the lovage.
sinking into this grave.i want to eat you whole. rip out every part of you, tear your flesh til i bleed inside
i want you to eat my heart,to tear off my fingers in a sensual hrgg%$&#$@!!!(*…..splash
a summer splash
it is funny how it means that you allow somebody to inject you with pain too-
to hold you, and for you to be their slave, i am dangling on her every word
i don’t know what it is…she makes me cry inside
tear inside, rip inside when she suspends me in mid air-
what is this lovage that makes me want to swim in this crazy tide-
i am jelous of every single element that passes into her lips,or by her nose…
lovage brought me a huge flower that she had picked up from a building site.
is was a sunflower taller than me…
she put it in the bath and washed it-she is lover-ly
then she also brought me a smaller one too-okay this is getting abit too mushy now…
i have my period.frustrated that it came now.
perhaps it is a chance to charted the uncharted seas of menstural kinkiness-paint the lilac walls with this this red juice ne’?
i should have a party where i mis my blood into the cocktails-red cocktails-yes!!!!!
great idea, when i am rich, i will have a red party.
i will have everything red at the party
all the fruits-mmmmmmmmmmmm!
all the drinks-yummmmy!
alll the cocktails thick and red -and have blood mixed inside em.
vampire dreaming, i wanna suck your neck baby.
it is just my morning breath-
imitated landscape
i want to have this all the time…
is this what it means to be in a relationship?
she called me her girlfriend-whilst she was in conversation with someone else…
it tickled me,it is amazing…i feel like a special flower.
i am able to mute some of my monsters.
baby bite my on the side of my rib
i echo her words.til we both dissappear.
is there a story about a couple having sex until they dissappear?
imagine dissappearing-slowly fizzling out of the world,into the world
how does it mean to get into-blah balh blah-4g4ugiyg!
i recieved a harmonice from kaf’s mom anelies,
how cool.i dig playing with it.
but it is a rather sad instrument!it just scratches one inside…like a rusted cry you know?
okay you win.this tussle.
it will kill you
i have been in exile from almost everything
my mind is simultaneosly cluttered and clear
this is the reel thing.
zu makin a movie yey!how cool.
went to vyfhuizen to check out this place where iw iwll be showing in a group show-
it was really cool-
the designs-
the disigned life styles!
yes!!!that is what it is!!!!when everything is so well designed, how can you have any confusion?any questions about anything, all the answers are there.
they are written and marked for you you know where to walk, the shortests routes are marked and the longewr ones will be decorated with things to keep you…
things to keep you in the song
to keep you on a designed landscape…keep you within designed thought…
it is a copy of a lanscape paintong from the 17th century-
it is recycling itself-ítself’
is this where rerally the sci-fi future begins?
and design pages?where do you store your emotions?
in your morning breath?
and your secret thoughts?
how ever does-did you ever get me here where you want me to be?
am i where you want me to be?
i am looking for god(s) again-
although i know that s/he will be in my image
my ideal….eat me.purify me.
i am excited about life.
about living.about making work!
is that what life is about?
she stabs me.she loves me.

are colours refracted by prisms?
it is so great to be in loverville-
to be back in her nest
back in her kiss…
my opening went well!!!
yey! it was such a relief!such a release!
and andre asked me to be one of his gallery artists, yey!
i dig him.he is funny, we have a nice relationship.
i will be monogomous in amsterdam,he will be my main man here, haha!
the gallery dating game is so funny, it is exactly like a dating game!
the flirting, the courting, the proposals…marriage, divorce!and the make up sex!
you know?!haha!
i am abit slow on working this morning, i have space to work,
lover has gone to work too…
left me to clean up the palace hahaha!
crazy woman drives me crazy.
so many good things are happening!
it is great to see them all!
can you believe this hey-?!
i found out that rod has just been lying to me the whole time i have known him-!
he had a girl all this time and he had always denied it!
insane hey?!why the big dramatic lies?
why lie so badly about who you are…?!
that is so messed up!
and he had been trying to make me feel bad when i was dating other people-meanwhile…back at the ranch!
eish…!
i am just puzzled.not hurt.
just really puzzled…well it kinda also makes sense.
it is interesting to go on a mission and lie!that is interesting…
what does lying mean?what does it do?
is it kinda like playing with a prism?the colours change depending which way you are turning it….
anyways, i stayed at tim and amalia’s place for a few days before and after the show,
i have now moved from there to zoo’s place on the day she arrived back
i dig the space where she lives
some people are acting funny that i am here-eish dramas bathong!
it is rather strange.
i am on an island.no mans land, just on zoo.
well what happens will happen ne’…?!
i must clean up, shower and edit!yey.
i smell.i smell of light.i smell of colour.
i am a prism today.
my writting is awful today though!hahaahahaha

yey, my show opens tommorow, i am excited now.
earlier i was in tears, mahelia cheered me up with her love story, she met -THE ONE!!!
the one of her dreams!that is so cool!
i think of zu alot.she is so far.i am afraid of the distance!for us to lose each other…
the fear my dear…
i fear to loose her, so soon.too soon.
i can see us together for a long time-forever…!lol!
really!
damn all this love business is crazy!
now even considering staying in amsterdam…?!
imagine…

wow today i have bounced back and forth from happy, delited, sad, anxious, depressed, frustrated, relaxed and happy-
all in one day.my skin is loking okay though.
i bought some bupi to make pap later-although i am almost home…it would be nice to eat some today.
going home early rest abit…
test print came out okay -
lady called till, helped me, very nice indeed.

i can’t wait to live by myself again.
my own place.
2 years of sharing an apartment-done.
anyways, gonna be a good morning.
i’m gonna finish the piece in my head.
gonna get glitter and sparkles and make it shine
what else do i need to remember-
get test print at 4 /5pm.
studio.gallery.breathe.gallery.
drink with pals?will see.

sometimes people clutter my mind space,
at these moments i think of yoko ono-
i curse the day i ever learnt to be considerate.

sharp sharper sharpence/sharpance/sharpness
i have a love tumor building up…
i have a cloud floatin in a vault
twinkling fairies behind clear plastic.
socks and colour stuffed in a transparent pink pvc umbrella
sugar soaked into white walls
the smell overwhelms all of my senses…

i have been crying for hours on and off today.
and it also rained outside.
funny that i have so many umbrellas but i had non on me when it started raining, haha.
they were all a 3 minute bike ride from where i, with 10 other people had stood takin shelter underneath the canopy of some corner restuarant.

i had a short brunch with bett, jabs and rosa lee, who i just met 2 days ago at 301.
i went there late, jabs is so sweet, he paid for my entrance and he had insisted i come, and i was so happy to have finally gone and chilled with him, and bett, i had suprised bett, who was making me laugh alot because she was being rather emotional about my departure!i slept at her house.she has a really cool room and she is so good at designing/organising space

work is rather stressful.
i feel stuck.
and frustrated.not able to move foward properly.
i geuss it is also having an ‘audience’ people around as i set up-i feel rather self conscious…
because i am so frustrated.
and there are so many things i don’t understand about the art industry…it is really frustrating me.
will only be able to speak to the gallerist tommorow.
there is so much noise.

and i miss zu.
i am so scared.
but nothing ventured…nothin gained hey!?
ya.
and to really explain all that is happening in me is not fully possible.
i am so filled up.mixed up.
my show opens on saturday.