me= universal?

decisions decisions!
bus fare-you givin’ up so easy you ain’t even foolin him-
bus fare-you givin’ up so easy you ain’t even foolin him-
bus fare-you givin’ up so easy you ain’t even foolin him-
bus fare-you givin’ up so easy you ain’t even foolin him-
bus fare-you givin’ up so easy you ain’t even foolin him-
decisions decisions!
don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem!
don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem!
don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem!
don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem!
don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem!
anyways, so lamed out!
too much wine in the park last night,
gaya is leaving amsterdam-a farewell picnic
and abit of morshing at some joint called mozeltoff i think it was.
didn’t even get to the dance floor -
i met a south african,capetonian who recognised my accent as i was trying to
imitate kate’s american accent!
so we chatted the whole time there,
so cool!
cancelled rday party cos i felt bad -
i had said to ry that we would hook up today to show him my studio and shit,
i felt so bad, when i called him to say we should cancel, he sounded so so bummed.
i cancelled.after an hour of being so fuckin torn.
but i feel beter now after cancelling -it also revealed some
other things(don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem!)
and i feel at peace.
you are such a dream i don know why you just wont dissappear.
when you want something you should go and get it!
moody stomach from last night.
that is what is reffered to as babalaaaaaaaaaaasss!
anyways, gaya is so hot.
i wonder if she knows it.
nice day out, rode all the way to the station
and made a detour.
it was raining-no dripping now and then>and the heat is almost diffused-
i will sleep early today.
forgot to charge my phone.
i can’t wait til bomama come!
have to spring clean the apartment-
she gets depressed by messy spaces.
i can’t wait to hear her stories about her adventures!!
she is so funny!dramatic at times!
anyways,
a pretty chilled day>studio time-
ah!working on my painting!
and ilike the way it is looking!
xx.dneo

celibacy.

are just the hottest peops in the music industry
oh there are others….,
but damn thandiswa is just so super cool1 i am inlove!
awesome style the politics of hich just makes me want to cry!
anyways, i had so much to write this morning but i have sorta forgotten it all…
well sorta - it is still there, but i geuss my thoughts have fragmented in into other directions…
my back muscles are aching from last night’s(this morning’s) dancing.
i am still insearch of my people!
i missed my friends today,
aaaargh!
tall,and ebony in running suit stretching limbs in park at the exit:
mm! nice arms, i bet you taste just like chocolate.
very corny!
where are they?!
you are taking too long to arrive.
i need the loo anyways, so i will go work…
what is this life all about….?!
simple question.
simple answer:
i sleep, i dream, i wake, i smile, i laugh, i talk, i cry,i think, i eat, i shop,i walk i ride,i write,i dance,i sing,i paint,i play,i complain,i wressle, i do all these things that everyone also does…
and it is so boring….it is so exciting.
life…oh life…ohhhhhh li-fe!o-life!(disreey/disray/desray/desree:tune)
anyways, studio time.

i am all jitters inside and out.
restloos.
dunno what to do with meself…
lacking patience.
without peace.
from dictionary dot com:
Definition: not content
Synonyms: active, agitated, antsy*, anxious, bustling, changeable, disturbed, edgy, fidgeting, fidgety, fitful, footloose*, fretful, hurried, inconstant, intermittent, irresolute, itchy*, jumpy, moving, nervous, nomadic, on edge,
perturbed,
restive, roving, sleepless, spasmodic, strung out*, transient,

troubled, turbulent, uneasy,

unpeaceful, unquiet, unrestful, unruly, unsettled, unstable, unsteady, wandering, worried
afraid, aghast, antsy*, apprehensive, basket case*, bugged*, butterflies, careful, choked*, clutched*, concerned, disquieted, distressed, disturbed, dreading, fearful, fidgety, fretful, hacked*, hyper*,

in suspense*

, jittery, jumpy, nervous, nervy, overwrought, restless, scared, shaking, shaky, shivery, shook up*, solicitous, spooked*, strung out*, sweating bullets*, taut, troubled, uneasy, unglued*, unquiet, uptight*, watchful, wired*, wired up, worried sick*, wrecked

mercurial, moody, nervous, neurotic, overzealous, passionate, peevish, quick, quick-tempered, rash, reckless, restless, sensitive, short fuse, skittish, susceptible, temperamental, testy, touchy, uncontrolled, uneasy, vehement, violent, volatile, volcanic

in the middle of a storm of ?how many angles,
matrix webbed
weaved.
caught
choking.
solution: be happy,it is part of the ebb and surge of mundaneness.
go home read more about steve mqueen(the artist)
too late to go buy wine, albert hein is closed.
gayatri packing an ocean of stuff,
she is leaving for india on tuesday or monday.
mama will visit me from tuesday.
i should have atleast completed my plans for cape and finished the video.
i have been getting into circles again…
balls, balloons,bubbles-
also an affinity with yayoi kusama
its medetative somehow>but not completely fulfilling:(because i am restless)
(i am imagining that i should be doing something more…
… …more…
…more…… .. ….. …)
it is vague.
but doing that something should give peace.
but not an illusionary peace/a virtual peace.
a lil’ piece of peace.
some sunshine that floats-
and kisses you on the inside of your skin..
on the outside of your cheek.
weaves butterfly colours in your eyes..
soaks you in its centre
and you are lost between bubbles floating on a still…
(summers day? ?too virtual.too fake?too hollywood?but it still is the image of comforting/comfortable relaxation/calmity)
aaaargh!stop it!
i am itchy all over from the park>park bugs.
went to the park after asefa’s studio presentation.
aaa-
imagine being in a space where everyone is whispering so they will not wake up the butterflies-
i fell calmer.
i feel calmer.

from not having enough liquid in my eyes yesterday(coz of the contacts and the wind)
to having too much this morning.
just one of those morning, where everything is so hard to bear,
and it is easy to cry.

still trying to get used to my new contact lenses…

forgot to buy toilet paper yesterday.and today.
so i didn’t shit the whole day yesterday.
my flatmate managed to find some toilet roll in his room ,
so i shat this morning(afternoon)wheni woke up.
yes i wake up in the afternoon.
first at 10 am then i go back to sleep.
then at 12 or 1pm.
i sleep between 3am and 5 am everyday,
either from not being able to sleep or from not realising that it is time to sleep-then it takes a while anyways before getting into that sleep mode….
anyways,
was at a braai the other day, so cool.
the house reminded me of durban
cool dude, always making alsorts of things
light bulbs hanging from helmets in the garden,
a new cheese and garlic sauce,
and he looks like a character from lord of the rings,
one of the short people there-fredo’s people.
anyways,
…
perhaps i should go and read.
i feel drained.
rrrrr.
thirst.
gonna drink water.

i love bell hooks>her writting is so accesible!
i cried when reading an article she wrote on carrie mae weems’s work in some book-i cannot remember the title-oops.
about the diaspora realities-and all that…
and i love yayoi kusama’s work!
aaaargh she is so cool.!
and what else today….i sat by the river and thought about a couple of things.
anyways, i want to have butterflies in my stomach-literally.
but they should be alive still….they could love in my body forever-
i’de be happy forever-forever giggling!
wow imagine!
i know they would not survive though…
perhaps if i dropped in some sunshine and some flowers…
oh-the pussy/the intestines/and all the lil’ cells are the flowers and the sunshine…the yellow blobs of fat can be the sunshine-if they were luminous….imagine that…having a glowing body….

tears leave a furrow on your face…
i can see it clearly…
like a canyon…
you are completely dried up.
get your tools out and paint me .
pain-t me in yellow to mellow it all…out.
oh i love you coldplay!
i love your music!
and i…..i wish that i could work it out….
in cold hotel rooms.
5 star nog al!
*****
that was the hardest part….
i can feel it go down…
you left the sweetest taste in my mouth…
do you like the cd i made for you?
leon yellow-aaaawr!how bitter!
i am sinking in your gums…
blood red.
mosquitos gallore!
that’s the hardest part….
lazy to start riding..
one more cold play give me one more…
aaah!
yes!1
we scored!BIG TIME.

i finally managed to get my contact lenses on this morning!
one small step for d-a leap for all-for all emmm…for alll…
seargent…are you there?
we are loosing you somehow…1-2-1-2 do you read me?!
a leap for(hsdgyfqgey%%tjb-shhh…static)
we seem to have lost-
beep.
beep.
beep…
oh-oh-i dreamt of the suicide friend again last night.
it was new years or xmas and there was a party…
and i had given my self the task of looking out for him and after him-
and i didn’t want to leave him alone-i kept on saying something like-dimtree i can’t leave you alone-we all know what you
are gonna do!hahahahah!
and this conversation happened alot of times…
and i was also saying like-don’t you dare!
starnge dream i tell you!
very starrrrrrrnjj!
strange.
staaaarng.
star energy…
what happens to people when they die.
i saw you yesterday and you were not as half excited to see me as i was to see you…
i felt deflated.
i sat with you and your kindness and it warmed me up.
i had chocolate and red wine.you had only red wine.
the red wine seems to have stained my panties.
you thought it was blood.
i wqs only fooling you.
that sanitary towel is just to cover up what is really going on.
there are many things-that i’d like to say to you-but i don’t know how-cos baby….you’re my wonder wall….!
i didn’t tell you i erased your number from my phone.
i missed seing your smile in my ear.but thanks for caalling.
signs are so interesting.
forever in a daze.
i feel intimidated by you-
screw all that bullshit man-get a life.
what kind of a life do you call that?
i’ve been trying to make a swearing piece but i realised that i am not so good at swearing-really vulgar stuff i get tongue tied.
i get tongue tied when i see you.
i get tonguehjefBGKbfge when you are around….
i read the dictionry after that skunk j the other day-perhaps i can start to articulate all this nonsense…
all around the word
don’t believe anything/everything you hear.
it’s your rock n roll that is driving me crazy.
you are such a -
you change everyday…
the sun was much hotter today than it has been and that is something– just maybe,you’re gonna be the one that saves me…cos maybe,baby-you’re my sunshine,you’re my rock n roll and my wonderwall…
i’m so scared about the future and i wanna talk to you….
beep me up scotty!
there were people shouting jesus love you! on the street as i was riding home last night….
oh brother i can’t believe it’s true….
you can take picture something you’ll see>
in the future where will i be?!
yes i feel lost and incomplete…
i feel like a puzzle and i can’t find the missing piece…
i know what you are saying….
hey eeels?do you know what i’m saying?
i also think of my lil’ cousin as never growing up-in my mind’s eye she is forever 9years old asking me to come to her doll’s birthday party….it’s amazing.